Three months!

Salam dearies~

It's exactly three months to our solemnisation date today, time has flown so fast! :)

But syukur Alhamdulillah, the wedding preps are slowly settling in and looking at the list I've prepared, we've pretty much covered everything. In less than two months even! :) A big thanks to the other half for being ever so patient with me - I haven't been the easiest girlfriend to handle since we started the wedding preps, and a big thanks to the parentals as well for slowly helping me out with everything. Despite what I've wrote in my previous posts, I understand now that your love has been unconditional and I'm ever so grateful *pats on everyone's backs* :))

So at the three month mark, here's my progress checklist so far:

Baju nikah - Sent to tailor!

MUA - Booked! But still looking for another one, just in case. ;)

Photographer - Booked! Signed agreement, paid retainer fee.

Pelamin and room/house deco - Booked and blocked dates! Paid retainer fee.

Morning campur - Booked! To be picked up in July.

Campur bags - Waiting for quotations.

Videographer - Booked this morning! Paid deposit.

Catering - Booked!

Kems - Waiting for quotations.

Evening campur - Booked!

Baju for Malam Silaturrahim - Sent to tailor!

Pengangun - Booked!

Wedding invitations - Ordered! Currently waiting for draft. :)

Barang hantaran - Getting these in Singapore!!

Room - New airconditioner is currently being installed as I write this post. :) Painting will begin once we've decided on the colour.

There are still a few minor things like shoes and tudungs which I need to get sorted but it's still a good feeling to know that I've covered most of the major ones already and they're out of the way now. :D

Cabaran alam pertunangan

Salam all~



Here are some interesting snippets of articles that I've read while blog-hopping today. I think it'll be useful to share this with the readers, while at the same time, keeping this in mind as a reminder for myself as well. :)

Alam Pertunangan Yang Menguji

Tahniah saya ucapkan kepada setiap pasangan yang ingin mendirikan perkahwinan. Sama ada sudah melangsungkan majlis pertunangan atau belum, pokoknya setiap pasangan yang telah mengikat janji setia itu sudah pun bertunang.

Seperti mana-mana perhubungan sesama manusia, tiada bezanya alam pertunangan dengan persahabatan atau sesama suami isteri, sentiasa penuh dengan ujian dan perasaan. Bezanya sepasang yang bertunang dengan sepasang suami isteri ialah mereka terbatas sebagai pasangan yang bukan muhrim.

Perasaan sayang yang terbina dan terkumpul selepas ikatan janji dimeterai adalah lumrah alam ataupun sunnatullah. Amat mustahil sedikit perasaan pun tidak ada di dalam hati. Ia hanya dapat disyariatkan dengan akad nikah.

Di sinilah Islam menggalakkan agar dipercepatkan alam pertunangan itu.

Apa yang boleh dilaksanakan semasa di alam pertunangan ini ialah kedua-duanya harus sentiasa berbaik sangka. Dibuangkan segala prasangka yang buruk yang merugi lagi melalaikan.

Tujuan Berkomunikasi

Tidak salah berkomunikasi jika tujuannya betul. Perbincangan seperti tempoh pertunangan, urusan perkahwinan, perancangan tempat tinggal selepas perkahwinan , perancang keluarga itu perlu.

Kita bukan sahaja hanya dibenarkan berjumpa di rumah perempuan, kita juga boleh bertandang ke rumah keluarga lelaki. Saya rasa ini tidak salah lebih-lebih lagi zaman sekarang ini ramai lelaki (dan juga perempuan) yang bertopeng. Seorang lelaki mungkin sudahpun beristeri semasa melamar seseorang perempuan. Tunang perempuan dan keluarga boleh bertandang ke rumah keluarga lelaki bagi merapatkan hubungan asalkan mendapat persetujuan keluarga lelaki. Kalau keluarga lelaki setuju tetapi mendapat tentangan dari tunang (lelaki), maka mungkin ada udang di sebalik batu!

Pada budi bicara saya, hadiah dibenarkan sebagai tanda peringatan. Maka, tidak salah kita berberi bagi merapatkan hubungan. Mungkin di sini hikmahnya cincin pertunangan itu walaupun setakat ini saya belum lagi menjumpai hukum sebenar pemakaiannya.

Berikut sedikit petikan perihal pertunangan yang saya ambil daripada http://saifulislam.com/?p=1261

Dalam usaha untuk menjaga batas-batas agama, kerana seorang tunang dengan tunangnya masih tetap warga asing yang ajnabi, kadang-kadang banyak persoalan pelik yang ditimbulkan.

Soal berapa kali agama membenarkan sms, menunjukkan unsur-unsur robotik dalam kefahaman pelajar tersebut tentang mengukur komitmennya dalam beragama.

“Bukankah Nabi SAW sudah mengajar kita, bahawa hati ini tenang dengan kebaikan, dan gelisah terhadap dosa dan kejahatan”, saya menyambung peringatan.

Mintalah fatwa dari hati… di samping hati itu juga pula sentiasa berada dalam nada sedar yang baik terhadap Allah SWT.

Antara hikmah bertunang ialah untuk saling belajar mengenal, insan baru yang bakal menjadi teman seumur hidup. Tetapi proses kenal mengenal itu masih dalam keadaan kedua-duanya adalah pasangan yang belum ada ikatan yang menghalalkan pergaulan. Maka bijak-bijaklah dalam mengatur.

Telefon, email, sms… tanya khabar.

Cuma bersederhanalah.

Bila hati rasa tidak kena, semacam agak berlebihan dan tersasar dari maksud-maksud yang maaruf, belajar tekan brek dan kawal stering. Itu sahaja.

Terutamanya ketika menjelang perkahwinan. Banyak perkara yang harus dibincangkan. Maka berbincanglah… dan kemaskan sistem kawalan diri.

Berbincang tentang syariatullah, berbincang tentang sunnatullah.

Akhir kata dari saya, tenangkan diri dengan doa dan solat. InsyaAllah perbuatan yang baik akan dibalas dengan kebaikan. Kalau jodoh tetap jodoh. Kalau bukan, itulah yang terbaik buat kita.

Wallahu a’lam.

This excerpt was taken from here.

And also, I think people take this for granted:

Nabi SAW sendiri ada mengingatkan kepada kita:

“Rahsiakan pertunangan dan iklankan (maklumkan) tentang perkahwinan” (Hadith riwayat Ahmad dari Abdullah bin Zubair Radhiyallahu ‘anhu, dan disahihkan oleh al-Albani di dalam Irwa’ al-Ghalil)

Pertunangan adalah suatu komitmen yang belum pasti. Ia mungkin berakhir dengan perkahwinan, boleh juga tamat pada kesudahan yang tidak diharapkan. Namun ulama’ menjelaskan bahawa di antara hikmah Islam menggesa pertunangan itu tidak dihebah-hebahkan ialah kerana untuk menjaga nikmat ini daripada dirosakkan oleh hasad manusia yang bertindak tidak baik. Ia dijelaskan demikian di dalam Hashiah al-’Adawi ‘ala Sharh Mukhtasar Khalil.

Kerahsiaan pertunangan itu juga menjadikan kita terkawal dari berkelakuan seperti sudah bersuami isteri kerana hakikatnya seorang lelaki dan perempuan yang bertunang, masih asing dan sedang berada di medan ujian mengawal diri dan bijak mengatur komunikasi dengan pasangan yang bakal menemani hidup… selama-lamanya sampai mati.

On my not-so-potential videographer

Salam~

So I just got back from what was such a waste of time! I was meant to meet up with a potential videographer to discuss on our events and arrangements but guess what?? He. stood. us. up. !!! And that was after a courtesy reminder to remind him that we were meeting him tonight and after a change in appointment time just to accommodate him and his 'work' commitments! To make it worse, half an hour before the scheduled time, he requested whether it would be okay to meet him up at his home instead of the location we had both agreed on earlier. And then! When we didn't reply back, 'on second thoughts', he cheekily asked whether we can meet up another day instead! What in the world!!!

At that point, we were just speechless beyond belief. The other half was more pissed than I was because 1) this videographer thinks he's communicating with a girl (me) and syg didn't like the way he was treating me and 2) he reasoned that if the videographer was willing to do this on our first appointment, there is a fat chance that he will try his 'disappearance act' again on the actual wedding day. So without much hesitation, we decided to just cancel on him and look for one that is more professional in ways of handling their customers. It's just ridiculous. Zaman msa ani, ada jua org masih nda professional mcm ani rupanya. No wonder I've never heard of many recommendations about this place and I wonder why I was so adamant to try.

Its one thing to be busy with work and I can totally understand his priority with work and what not but its another thing to completely blow off an agreed appointment half an hour before the expected time. I just find that absolutely rude. What's even more irritating is that he was the one who suggested to meet up at specified day in the first place and had agreed with the specified times and locations! Kalau nda belaku, bgtau sja nda belaku. We can always arrange for another day bah. Nobody ever insisted on seeing him as soon as possible anyway. Really, really rude. And in Mum's word, 'kebesaran'.

I don't think it's my loss, to be honest. The market for videographers may be limited in Brunei but there's still more than just one videographer around here. And just because this videographer has recently 'broken into the regional scene', it certainly does not make him the best around - definitely not in terms of professionalism anyway.

Enough of ranting.

Emotions

Salam all~



The past few days have been quite an emotional struggle for me - there are moments when I'll be satisfied with my preparations and pleased with the way I've been doing things and then there are days when I'll just wallow in self-pity, thinking of how I have done all these preparations by myself and that nobody else even bothers to offer their help to me, let alone, ask how I've been doing. It just makes me feel like I'm the only one interested in this wedding and that I'm the only one who cares in making this work. :'( It hurts even more when other people are realising it too. Just the other day, while settling the caterers for the nikah, the sales manager who was attending to me asked, 'Siapa yg kahwin? You kah?'. When I nodded 'Yes', he then said, 'Kesian jua. Sendiri buat urusan.' That got me feeling very down and for the rest of the day, I just had to shove it down my throat and faked a smile, pretending that things were alright and okay...

I guess it's just all the stress from the wedding preparations? I am somewhat thankful though that we're only doing the nikah ceremony in July and not the full blown wedding ceremony (with all four events in one weekend). Otherwise I don't know how I'll be able to cope. For quite a while, I didn't let the other half know about my feelings on this. I suppose I was doing him a favour by not talking about the wedding too much, I was worried he was going to be bored. But eventually, it got just a little bit too much, my feelings got the best of me and I ended up revealing them to him anyway. And I'm thankful that I did. Because now that we've talked about it, we've come to a compromise and it's becoming less of a struggle for me day by day. :)

But I think at the end of it all, I think I was being too hard on myself and that I was trying to be overachieving, because time wasn't exactly on my side. I've come to realise that now it's probably better to appreciate what I've done and count the blessings that I have - the pressure becomes minimal that way.

I guess the moral of the story is: Don't stress! It's good to focus on the journey to the destination sometimes, it'll be worthwhile ;)

Stay positive bride-to-bes!

Qualities to make a husband happy

Salam all~

Here's an interesting article I came across while reading through some muslim marriage websites:

We all know that Allah subhana wa ta’alaa has described the treatment of the spouses in the Quran as:
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21). Here Muwadda means Love and Rahma is Mercy. Allah subhana wa ta’alaa describes this relationship as one that begins with love and both spouses having a joyous time, but, inevitably there are times where they have to treat each other with mercy. Mercy here encompasses being patient with your spouse, listening to your spouse and many other facets. The following story that is narrated is the advice of one of the mothers of the past giving to her daughter before she got married:

A Mother’s Advice To Her Daughter For Marriage
‘Abd al-Malik (RA) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected
leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn
‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into
her room, to advise her and said:

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal,and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.”
Jamharah Khutah al-‘Arab, 1/145

From this incident we see the qualities that the Mother has suggested to her daughter in order to ensure that her husband is happy and therefore their marriage is successful inshaAllah.

Here's where I got it from:click here.

Overwhelmed

Too many things to do, and so little time.

I just feel like I'm left on my own to ensure that things go out as planned sometimes.

:(

Rings!

Salam dearies~

Today, it's rings!

I'm really really bad when it comes to choosing rings. One minute I would like this one particular design that I've had my eye on and then sudah diliat and dipakai banar-banar, nda tia suka. It would look too big on my finger tia, or it's a bit too bling-bling to my liking. *sigh* This, is going to be one tiring process, I'm afraid... :S

The good news is: the other half and I have begun looking around jewellery stores in Brunei for possible wedding rings and hopefully after our trip to Singapore or K.L. (to be decided!), we will finally have a decided ring by then. The plan for now is that my other half will choose my engagement ring for me but we'll both choose our nikah rings together. To be honest, I am sincerely, sincerely scared of the idea of him picking MY engagement ring for me (apparently, he's doing it on his own, with no mother OR sisters to help him out!! *double gasps* lol) BUT I am willing to be cooperative and will try to be understanding of the situation. He says it's more meaningful if we arrange it that way and I suppose he's right. If we bought it together, there wouldn't be an element of surprise to it kn? So although I'm still feeling a bit iffy about this, I'm still looking forward to his choice as well. I trust you syg :)

As for designs, I've got a few in mind at the moment. Ever since I found out I was getting married, I've had a soft spot for Tiffany and Co engagement rings. The tiffany novo is especially gorgeous! *melts*

I like the idea of the band being surrounded by small diamonds - the centrepiece diamond need not necessarily be big lah but this is oh-so-pretty! Unfortunately, it also doesn't come with a cheap price so we might need to settle for something less branded :( Oh tiffany's, mengaper lah awak ni mahal sangat! Hehehe.

The same ring on a bride's hand. Oh sooo prettyyyy!!

We were also given the idea of buying a solitaire ring for the engagement and then a wedding band for nikah by the sales assistants at Twinkles the other day so that I can combine and wear them together to look something like this:

or this:

When I thought about it, banar jua ah. So on normal occasions, I can just wear the wedding band tapi on special occasions, I can just put my solitaire ring over it - to enhance the beauty of the ring lah, so to say. :p

Initially I didn't quite like the idea of wearing a solitaire ring. I don't know why but while I was trying one on the other day, the stone looked like it was jutting out way too much from the band and made the ring look a bit... retarded? (lol, excuse my language here). But now that I've thought of it, mcm mana jua lagi arrangement diamond arah cincinnya if it's not jutting out? Lol lol. So now, I think I'll just go ahead with the solitaire ring + wedding band sja. :D Syg is soooo going to go crazy over this - I've changed my mind way too many times this week. :p

See? Eventhough it's jutting out, this one's pretty too! ;)

Till next post!

On wedding attires

Salam girlies!

This will be just a short one. Was doing a little bit of reading and blog-hopping earlier, and I've come across yet another reputable wedding boutique named Josche Nelan Boutique. I've tried googling them on the internet, hoping for some review or some facebook link (fb seems to be the popular trend to reach out for customers these days, lol) but nobody has written an entry on them so far. :(

The closest bit of info I could get on this boutique is that apparently it is a high-end boutique so if you're opting for a smaller budget, this may not be the place to be. Their tailoring and wedding designs are pretty though! Very heavily beaded. It's not exactly my kind of thing but definitely still an eye-catcher!!

I love the sleeves!

Heavily beaded embroidery. Ooo la la~

Credits of both pics: Brunei Weddings

As for location: Kiulap, above Big Papa's.

Khazanah is another famous wedding boutique but I have yet to scout for in depth reviews on them. They, too, make very pretty baju bersanding and are also a bit pricey. Will try to look for pictures if I can find any. Location-wise, it is located near Supa Save Beribi. The first block of shops as you go in to turn to Supa Save actually, hehe.

My earlier post on wedding attires was written here, just in case. ;)

Best of luck! :D

Progress update

Salam again~

Just a quick reminder to myself on what I've done and what I haven't done (eeks!!):

For the berjarum-jarum/ engagement:

1) Baju for tunang

- Have the kain but haven't sent to the tailor. Need to send soon!! Madness. // Updated: Sent!

2) Catering / Kems

- Parents responsible for this.

3) Campur

- Again, parents responsibility.

No pelamins, but still need to talk with the other half if we're thinking of exchanging gifts on that day.

For nikah:

1) Baju nikah

- Sent to tailor! Fitting in July, weeheee :D

2) MUA

- Booked! But still looking for another one, just in case. ;)

3) Photographer

- Booked! But need to sign agreement, pay retainer fee.

4) Pelamin and room/house deco

- Booked and blocked dates! To pay retainer fee soon.

5) Morning campur

- Booked! Abah just confirmed with me yesterday. :D Just need to get custom bags, heee.

6) Videographer

- Still looking for best possible quotations!

7) Catering

- Lowered it down to two caterers at the moment. Parents to be in charge of that. // Updated: Booked!

8) Kems

- Had one, but then decided to consider another recommended one. To book soon!

9) Evening campur

- Still awaiting quotations.

10) Baju for Malam Silaturrahim

- Bought kain but not yet sent to tailor. To do soon! // Updated: Sent!

Have I missed out on anything? 5 out of 13, that's not so bad right? Three more months to go!

----

Updated on 25th April: 8 out of 13 done! :D Pengangun also booked. Invitations awaiting quotations!

Babies!!

Salam~!

Yes, babies!! :D

I've been reading up wedding blog after wedding blog since the entire morning and this is probably the first time I've gotten teary-eyed from reading the entries - one of the former bride-to-bes is now a mother-in-the-making!! Yes, she's pregnant!! And she's only been married for two months! Heeeeeee, she's so lucky to be blessed and granted an offspring so soon, I'm so happy for her. :') Lately, I've been very hormonal (it's almost the T.O.T.M., you see) so anything even as remotely happy like this gets me all teary-eyed. But really, I'm soo happy for her!! Rezekinya awal dtg, Alhamdulillah. :) Plus babies are so cute anyway! Hehe.

Although it's a bit too early to be discussing about babies (nikah pun balum! lol), the other half and I have actually talked about this before. And I think it's even more important that we do, considering the fact that we're doing nikah first and then doing our sanding 5-6 months later. A good friend of mine warned me that by doing that, there's a chance that I'll get ''bunting pelamin'' - which apparently translates to having a baby bump on your bersanding (reception) day - and hence, people might 'talk'. Especially if the nikah is not known to others but only to your family members. So what is initially a 'halal' thing might actually be misconstrued as a negative 'accident' tah plang - 'eh, mcm beparut. be-isi kah ia?? baru jua ia kawin ni', you know that kind of thing. Padahal the marital relationship HAS been halal five months back.

The thought has actually given me quite a dilemma to be honest. Thankfully, the other half is very understanding and considerate of the whole situation. :) He's saying to just go with the flow and if Allah bestows upon us a baby/bump before our bersanding, then we'll take in it our stride. He's heard of stories where other couples have waited years and years to conceive and yet here we are, fussing over what we'll do if we get pregnant before our bersanding. I have to admit, he's right, it does sound kinda selfish of us. :S Plus we can only plan so much but in the end, Allah knows what's absolute best for us anyway. And our relationship would already be halal by then and that's all that matters kn?

Plus my other half would make a good father anyway :)

Till next post!

Wedding boutiques

Salam again all~

So it just came to my realisation that I haven't actually included a list of the wedding boutiques that I've had my eye on for the past few weeks on the sidebar.. and voila! I've just added them! :D

As you can see, the list is not particularly comprehensive but based on my experiences of blog-hopping and review-searching, these are the ones that keep on popping up and have been recommended by many so far.

- Pelamins

I've heard many many good reviews of RN Wedding and I think the pictures in their website actually speak for themselves. They are just simply gorgeous!! The recent one they did for a couple's bersanding ceremony was absolutely beautiful and unique - I've never actually seen this kind in Brunei since I started all this wedding preparation thing. I guess the whole lavender/purplish hue kinda biased my interest in it a bit - but still! Gorjaasssssssss!!

Credits: rn-wedding.blogspot.com

- Home Deco

Roz Flower Boutique is amaaaazing when it comes to home deco. Someone I knew had her room decoration as well as living room ceiling decoration done by them and I absolutely loved it! I think their main speciality is the scalloped ceiling deco, as shown in example I found below. Pretttyyyyy~! I'm actually getting mine done from them too, excitiing! :D

credits: Masamichi studio

- Wedding attire

But I suppose the biggest issue for most bride-to-bes out there would be choosing the wedding attire - where to rent them, where to design them, where to get the kains and the list just goes on. I guess it's part and parcel of being what a bride is - to look pretty on her wedding day ;) But anyhow, for wedding attires, there is quite a selection available here. If you're looking into designing and making new attires though (which is what I've searched for), Anyati, Hjh Lina (of Ong Sum Ping) and Aaliah Asmara has been mentioned quite a number of times. They're quite pricey BUT highly recommended so it's really up to your choice. ;) Personally, I've chosen Anyati for my baju nikah. I've seen the design and like what I see so far, hopefully that translates to reality as well! Eeks, hehehe :D

If you're looking to rent bridalwear, however, a lot of people have recommended Roza Rohaya, Nurhayana and Ruzz Enterprise (in no particular order). The first two are easier to search for in the internet so you can browse through their collection on their website/fb but Ruzz Enterprise has neither so you actually have to go to their store and see for yourself. I haven't done this so I can't say the differences between the three but hoping to do that soon. Will keep you posted!

Before getting married...

Salam all~

Here's a very interesting post I came across while blog-hopping. It is a post written by a professional photographer based in Malaysia, where he shared stories of wedded bliss and divorce based on his experiences of shooting wedding photos for clients. It just goes to show that weddings are not to be taken lightly of and that it's a process that involves a lot of thought, discussion, responsibility and commitment. I won't comment on more and leave it to the readers to ponder but it's definitely an eye-opener for those who are thinking of venturing into this path. May it be of use to all. :)

''by Daniel Zain on Saturday, August 28, 2010 at 6:14am


Assalamu'alaikum,

How has everyone's Ramadhan been? Alhamdulillah with the arrival of Isa into our lives, Mariam & I couldn't be more thankful to Allah swt for the blessings he has given us.

An important step in the life of any adult Muslim is the day he/she gets married. Subhanallah I know some of you are already in the process of looking for a spouse, and some of you may already be a few steps closer to tying the knot than I may be aware of ;)

As a wedding photographer, my job is to document that special moment when two people become husband & wife. Alas, in almost 4 years of doing this full time, several of my clients are no longer husband & wife. Several of my university friends have also gone down the road of divorce. Sometimes the reasons for divorce are complicated while some have parted ways over seemingly trivial issues. I've had the opportunity to speak to some of them during their trying moments & after their divorce. Could some of these divorces have been avoided if the couples had done something simple prior to getting married?

That simple thing is: Ask important questions before you get married

Here are some questions I believe one should ask his/her potential spouse. If you are already seeing someone and intend to marry that person, then please do not waste the opportunity to ask. It goes without saying that proper Islamic etiquettes should be observed when asking your potential spouse about the issues below.

The following are in no particular order of importance; they are just listed in the order as they pop into my mind while typing this. All the points listed here were among the causes of divorce for my clients & friends.

{Edit on 28/8/10: Not all points will be relevant to you, hence know yourself & what issues may potentially crop up based on your personality & lifestyle expectations} :

1. Living Arrangements

• Be absolutely clear about where both of you will live once you are married. If its at one of the inlaw's, then discuss how long you'll stay there before you move to your own rented/purchased home. If your spouse is unhappy after a certain period of your living arrangements, do not treat this lightly. Make an effort to have a pleasing & peaceful home experience, especially if you will be living with parents & extended family.

2. Health

• If you have any health issues, please let your potential spouse know about it. Do not give them a nasty surprise once you are married. For example, a couple i know are no longer together because the husband did not tell her that he has Erectile Dysfunction. She only found out once they were married. There are many conditions that can cause stress to build up such recurring migraines, asthma, diabetes, heart problems etc. Do not hide the existence of your medical condition(s).

3. Sex

• Don't laugh. Sex & finances are among the main reasons for divorce (add Facebook in the list these days).

• Brothers, please read up & learn about the right way to approach your wife. DO NOT rush her if she isn't ready to be intimate. A friend of mine took 9 months before she was ready to consummate the marriage. Alhamdulillah they now have 2 kids. Yes, that's an extreme example, but it happened. It could happen to you. Do not start pressuring her with fiqh, hadeeth & quran about the need to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. It’s very likely she knows all those points already. The issue is a psychological & emotional one, not a lack of knowledge for the most part. Maybe a friend told her intercourse is very painful, maybe she doesn't feel confident about her body, and maybe she is just very shy. Be gentle, be romantic by going on short holidays together & just be patient. Oh yes, don't forget the dua's :)

• Sisters, especially if you are the very shy type, start reading up about intimacy. Don't shy away from straightforward descriptions of body parts & functions. Get comfortable & confident with your body. I don't mean exercise like crazy to get a specific body type, but know that if the guy loves you & wants to marry you, he's fine with the way you look. Sex is something you should look forward to without fear. Please know that you are entitled to & have a right to get your share of pleasure.

• If it’s confirmed that you are getting married, then ask your fiancé/soon to be spouse if it’s okay with him if it takes a while for you to be comfortable to have sex. If he gets upset, that's a red flag there! A good brother would never get upset, but he'll assure you that he'll be gentle & won’t pressure you. After all, he wants the experience to be pleasurable for both of you & not just for him. If you are shy to ask, then get a trusted third party to ask. I'm not kidding.

• Oh and one more thing brothers, don't get all paranoid & start imagining all sorts of "has she done it before?" scenarios if your wife ends up being very good in bed. Instead, be thankful.

4. Sex leads to.....Kids.

• Ask each other how soon after marriages do you plan to have kids? Don't assume your spouse has the same ideals as you do. You may wish to wait at least 1 year, whereas he thinks a baby 9 months after the nikah is obligatory. 4 kids is your perfect number, yet she wants 10, or none at all!

• What are each of your thoughts on adoption? What if one or both of you end up being impotent?

• Do not wait till you're married to ask about children.

• Pregnancy is a big deal for the lady. Some women are terrified of getting pregnant. Again, be patient and have her speak to other ladies who are pregnant/have kid to reassure her that she'll be fine. Oh wait, some men are even more terrified of having kids. Same process, get him to talk to fathers of his age.

5. Finance

• Sisters, please inquire & know how much your potential spouse earns for a living. If his salary is lower than your expectations for your lifestyle, ask yourself if you are willing to compromise. If you are used to LV, Gucci & Coach bags yet he can only afford Vincci, will that be a source of frustration for you? If the answer is yes, find out what are his plans to increase his income. On the flipside, if you are not the shopping type of girl, and handbags, shoes etc mean little to you, please don't settle for too little. At the very least know your rights on what your husband needs to spend on you.

• A girl i know is fine with her husband giving her only rm50 - rm150 a month for her toiletries, personal care & what not. She says she isn't materialistic, which alhamdulillah is good, but the result is that her husband doesn't spend a ringgit more on her. No dinner dates, no short weekend holidays. Nada. He has become complacent and forgotten his duty to support her living since she does not work.

6. Work

• Can I continue to work after we get married? Can I start working after we get married? Can I stop working? Can I switch to a lower paying job that I love? "I'll be posted in Timbuktu 3 months after our nikah, and oh yes, I'll be there for 2 years & you got to move there with me, no ifs or buts okay."

• Clarify all the above before you get married.

7. Food

• You hate cooking yet the very day of your nikah your dear hubby asks you "What are you cooking for dinner sayang?". Big problem! Yes, believe or not, a couple got divorced because of this very issue.

• Sister, especially if you work, ask him if he expects you to cook all the time. If he does, ask him if he can compromise.

• Brother, if you know she hates to cook, ask her if she's willing to learn at classes (which you pay for of course).

• She loves western food but you must have rice for every meal. Plus you hate pasta which she's obsessed with!!!

8. Housework

• Picture this: A girl's hero is her dad who happens to help out alot around the house. Daddy helps with the dishes & laundry. He doesn't complain. She then marries a brother who will have nothing to with housework. In fact, he considers it a girls job not befiting a man! Guess how happy the marriage is going to be? If only she had asked him if he's okay with helping out with the dishes after she cooked that wonderful dinner.

• Brothers, please help out around the house. Rasulullah s.a.w did, hence no excuses.

I hope this has been beneficial for you. The points I raised are far from comprehensive, there are many other seemingly trivial reasons people get divorced over. For more detailed knowledge on living as husband & wife from the Quran & Sunnah, please refer to the excellent 'Like A Garment' series by Sh. Yasir Qadhi. If anyone managed to save the entire email series of Like A Garment, please share it. Sh. Zaid Shakir & Sh. Suhaib Webb also have excellent audio lectures on the subject. Also ask good teachers on the detailed roles & responsibilities in a marriage. My points are just real world examples from real cases of couples who had to let go of their marriage.

{Edit on 28/8/10: There will many issues that crop in a marriage that one can't foresee. It's totally normal & what's required is sincere love, plenty of patience and willingness to compromise where possible to achieve a win-win situation. We mustn’t view divorcees in a negative light as well because sometimes divorce is the only solution. For some, it's a good solution that helps both parties become better people.}

I feel we should have a YMP sharing session where these issues are discussed. Brothers & sisters, we need to be prepared for the worst case scenario as well. Sometimes in the desire to get married, we only see & imagine the beautiful & sweet life ahead, and as a result we get thrown overboard when a storm comes.

May Allah taala guide all of you who are seeking your life partner. May He also guide us who are already married to remain loving & faithful to each other. May He give us righteous children who will be His servants and help make the world around them a better place.

Wassalam.

Daniel Zain Ibrahim''

Jazakallah. You can find him here

Photography

Salam all~

Feeling a bit down tonight but just thought I'd update a few things before going to sleep.

Sooooo I've met the coveted photographer I've been eyeing for earlier tonight and Alhamdulillah, the meeting went well. He wasn't quite the person I was expecting him to be physically (lol) but his work still amazes me nonetheless. :) In fact, after browsing through his portfolio, his photography was exactly the kind of style I was looking for - elegant and timeless. And what's best is: he keeps his photography collection private! I mean, I don't have anything against people looking at my wedding photos but as much as possible, I'd like to keep those 'people' exclusively to my family and friends saja. There's a limit to sharing things on the web and putting up my wedding pictures for the world to see surpasses that so yep, viewable to those who are dear and close to me only. :) I've confirmed with him the events that I would like him to do so all that is left now is to sign the agreement! Weehee! Can't wait! :D

Just in general, when choosing a photographer though, I think it's important to know what kind of style you're looking for. I'm no expert in photography styles and what not, but I do know that if I were to go for a style, I'd like an elegant and timeless feel to my photos. Something that, in ten years, makes me say, 'Wow. That's exactly the way I remember it when that happened' or 'That was the best moment of my life'. :)

I was talking about this with my photographer and he was saying that there's a range of photography styles in Brunei available, it's just up to you to decide which ones you want. Those with experience tend to be better with pose directions, while others with lesser experience tend to just leave you to decide on your own pose and 'be natural'. Being natural is not bad in its own but it does become a problem when the bride and groom are not comfortable with posing or simply just don't know how to pose! I certainly wouldn't want to be stuck in that rut! And then there are others who are very cheesy and like the 'Bollywood style' (says my photographer, lol) of peeking behind trees and tiangs what not. So it's important to know what kind of styles you like and what you prefer. And also, good to have a good rapport with your photographer as well. Make sure you're comfortable with him/her. You don't want to feel as if he/she is prying into your private space! :D

Here are some wedding shots (style?) I really like:

Very vintage-y and veryyyy pretty! And yes, for those who are very much into the Korean scene, these are taken from Yonghwa and Seohyun's photoshoot from WGM. ;)

Checklist!

Salam everyone~!

The man found an adorable iphone app for me this afternoon while we were out for lunch and I just had to share! It's a wedding countdown application that basically counts down the number of years, months, days, hours, minutes and even seconds! to the wedding date and looks something like this:

I actually have the exact same background as the photo above but the times lain lah. According to mine though, I am about 3 months left to go before the big day, eeks!! :O

Alhamdulillah, preparations have been going smoothly so far. My kain nikah has been sent for tailoring and although I was ridiculously worried about the outcome - will it be too extravagant? will it be too modern and breach the conservative norms? will it be too expensive?! - I eventually came to the realization that there's nothing much I could do now and the tailoring needs to be done anyway. Klau nda, nada baju nikah by July and I wouldn't want that! Lol. Plus I've sent it to a trusted tailor, whom I've heard many good reviews of, so what's left is to tawakal and pray for the very best outcome. Yes. Tawakal. *breathes in breathes out* Hehe.

Besides that, MUA has been confirmed! :D I'm also looking to another MUA who apparently does a clean and flawless job as well. Been trying to get a hold of him for the past two weeks but arrangements had to be rescheduled a number of times because of his very hectic schedule. That's just how popular he is! It kinda worries me actually, really want to book him for the other ceremonies. The good news is: I've managed to secure an appointment with him on the 1st May so here's to hoping that won't be postponed! Yes yes?

Photography and videography will be confirmed soon as well! I've done a lot of scouting for this but finallyyyy, we're meeting up with my planned photographer tomorrow and then the videographer on Friday so it's a pretty full schedule this week. I've been in touch by email with the photographer for quite some time now so it's very exciting that I'm actually meeting up with him tomorrow - his work, too, is absolutely gorgeous! :))

As for invitations, they will be sorted out soon. I've finally decided to do the nikah ones at home and the sanding ones in Indonesia, only because of the time-constraint and of course, budgeting wise. Hehehe. Catering and kems are still being scouted for but the parentals are in charge of that. As for campur, we're still waiting approval for a number of things but otherwise, we've still got a backup plan just in case that doesn't work out. The campur for the family gathering night has been decided tho! It'll be delicious delicious cupcakes from a local cupcake service here. I've heard amazing reviews from people so I've decided to give it a shot. Excitiingggg!! :D

Hmm... have I left out anything else? Oh yes, the pra-nikah courses have been set as well! So so happy for this :D The man and I have both been put into the May slots, well ahead of our actual nikah ceremony so it was very much a blessing, syukur Alhamdulillah :) I've joked around that we got into those slots because of his background :p But I suppose we just got lucky - good luck to the rest who are applying too! :)

Till then!

Baraka allahu lakuma~

Salam all!

Came across this very interesting piece of article which I would like to share for the benefit of all. :) It's about du'as that are commonly given to newlyweds - you know, du'as like, 'Semoga berkekalan hingga ke anak cucu' or 'Semoga bahagia ke akhir hayat', wishes like that. Well, apparently greetings for newlyweds shouldn't be addressed in such a way, as reported in this article here

Wallahualam. :)

Either way, it's a lesson to be learned. Be careful of the things we wish others and choose wisely the words we should use. I'm going to start making a habit of saying 'Barakallahu lakuma' whenever I greet newlyweds next time!

Wedding invites

Salam again~

So last Friday, the man and I went out to browse for some items needed for our ceremony. He's been wanting to go around and look for invitation cards but has never gotten around to doing it, so we decided to shop for that first. Apparently Wing On Printing has one of the cheapest prices for printing wedding invites so that was our first stop. For those who don't know where it is, it's located in Kg Beribi / Telanai, one of those buildings located near that Seri Kandar place and Ong Marble.

And I have to say, true to word, prices were quite reasonable! Of course that still depends on the type of card you would like to get it printed on, whether it's laminated or not, the thickness of it and the size of it as well, but if you're opting for just a simple but pretty card, the prices are still okay. Most importantly, budgetable!! I wasn't even planning on making my invites here but I actually have my eyes on that shop now! Lol.

The only problem is the cards don't come with envelopes. At the time we came, the person who attended to us (who also happened to be a relative, btw. Small world, I know! lol) said that they've even run out off the clear plastic packaging and that if we do need it, we would have to look for them ourselves. A bit of a hassle, but then again, it depends on whether you're particular about it. Mau be-plastic kah nda? Or are you satisfied with just the card? Depends on taste sorang-sorang lah.

By this time I think the man has already about 90% decided to make his invitation cards at Wing On but just to make sure we're making the right choice, we decided to scout for other places as well. I've heard of Ezy Printing in a lot of wedding blogs and apparently it is also THE place to go to make nice wedding invites so went there to check out the place. We went to a smaller branch though, the one in Kiulap mall, just opposite Au Lait. I have to admit there are more choices here but with an assorted amount of choices, also comes an assorted amount of prices! We compared the price of a similar sized card of the same material that we just looked at from the earlier place and they were a bit pricey here. But yes, that again depends, if you're looking for more articulate designs, Ezy printing has it but if you want just a simple one, then go for Wing On. :)

I think that's my review for today. Will review more if I have the chance! Toodle oodles!

Bride-to-be

Panic mode!

Salam all~

Okayyyy. At this point, I'm just getting a liiiittle panicky over the outcome of things so far. My dad has just told me that the 'campur' I am planning on giving out for nikah has been fully booked up till July and that the next batch will probably only be available by the end of the year! I really had my eye on this 'campur' for quite some time, even going around asking people where I can actually get it so I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed by the news. :(

The good news is though, my dad hasn't actually called them up yet to check (much of this whole 'fully booked' hype he got by word of mouth) so I'm hooooopinggg, hoping! For some sort of miracle to happen. He's going to try and get a hold of a few contacts tomorrow so mudah-mudahan jua dapat. But if he doesn't, then well at least, my mum and I still have a Plan B... :) That's the thing with wedding preparations that I have come to realise actually. Always have a back-up plan. Especially if you've not fully confirmed with things.

But anyhows, even my catering/kem is not fully confirmed at this point! Ahhhhhhh!! The parents and I have been discussing about this for the past couple of days now. We can't seem to decide whether we want simple ones, scallop-ed ones, arabian ones and whether any of these can fit into our garden area. Most importantly is still the cost though - whether we're willing to pay a hefty amount for kems OR whether we want to save up for other important things. Pening kepala I tell youuu. I'm hoping to sort that out within the next couple of days - I've been told catering for a month before puasa is usually packed because it's a popular time for the malays to have arwah functions and the like. Wish me luck!

Bride-to-be

Borang nikah and the registration

Salam all~

Hope everyone is in the best of health and iman. :)

Anyways, it's going to be a short post today. Just some short ramblings which I have been mulling over the past few days in preparation for THE big day but first things first! The registering for nikah process.

I've been meaning to share this process here because based on my experiences of google searching and blog hopping, nobody seems to have outlined the process in a proper chronological order. They're useful to the extent of detailing what sort of items are needed, but even so, I still find myself feeling confused with the variety of conflicting info that has been presented. So brides to be and grooms to be, what (actually) happens is this...

1) Get the borang nikah from Mahkamah Rendah Syariah. That's the green-ish building, on the right hand side if you take the road leading to Yayasan from Jln Tutong. The actual department itself should be clear from the moment you park your car - signage is quite clear, it reads 'Pendaftaran Kahwin, Perceraian..' something along those lines.

2) Once you get the borang nikah, you are supposed to fill it in completely, inserting the following attachments: 2 photocopies of your IC, 2 photocopies of your surat beranak, 2 photocopies of your parents' sijil nikah and a letter from your ketua kampung stating your status of residence as well as two signatures of men who could be your saksi.

3) Once that is done, head back to the Mahkamah Rendah Syariah. Go through the main entrance and there is a payment counter on your left side. Show them your completed borang nikah, pay $10 and they'll hand you a receipt.

4) Keep the receipt and bring it over to the department where you acquired the borang nikah in the first place and then, I believe they'll give you a form or letter, which you will bring to the old ugama building in bandar so you can register for the kursus pra-nikah. (I have yet to go through this, so will confirm it again once I've done so.)

But that's pretty much it as far as registration goes. The kursus pra-nikah is apparently a separate affair, but still something that you ought to do of course! I've been told that if you don't 'graduate' from the pra-nikah course, the imam won't be able to legalise your nikah. Eeks! But yet there are others who have said it doesn't matter when you do the pra-nikah course (before or after your nikah) as long as you complete it one time or the other. But that would beat the purpose of it being called a ''pra'' nikah course, wouldn't it? Hehehe. Anyhoots, I'm hoping to get that done soon. Word is that the pra-nikah course slots have been fully booked up till November and if I'm planning to get married in July, then there's big reason to get worried and panicky by now! Lol.

I guess I'll just leave my other ramblings to another post. This is getting to be a longer post than I expected. Till then!

Bride-to-be

Wedding themes

Salam all~ And a happy sunday to everyone!

Today I've decided that I'll be talking about wedding themes - something, which, I have to be honest, is not exactly in my area of expertise. I've always thought that choosing colours for a wedding would be easy. I mean, how hard could it be right? Just pick any colour from the available colours, put them in all your wedding decorations and baju, and we're done, set. Well... I could never have been more wrong!

Just earlier today, I went to a relative's wedding and being the bride-to-be that I am, I decided that this would be a great opportunity to scout for possible wedding colours. Her theme was silver and grey, with a touch of white here and there. The pelamin was gorgeous (in fact, I think I have a rough idea where she could have rented it from, hehe) and her dress was extravagantly beautiful - it was a beautiful grey songket kebaya which has been extended to look a little bit like a long dress, and I thought, 'Hey that's a new idea. Never seen this before.' Unfortunately, the elders that were sitting around me didn't quite like the arrangement. One nini quipped, 'Cuba tah tarang-tarang sikit warna baju pengantinnya ani. Cuba tah warna kuning kah, merah kah, hijau kah. Ani, nda lawa! '. My mum was also quick to add, 'Awu, nda nampak seri wajahnya pakai baju atu. Nda plang nampak mcm pengantin.'. And that got me panicked just a liiiiitttle bit. No, actually, that got me panicking a lot! I don't want to look dull with no seri wajah on my face on my wedding day! Nope nope. So out of curiosity, I started googling for wedding themes on the internet and apparently this year's themes are as follows:

White and blue

I absolutely love this arrangement!! I think it's very contemporary, modern and yet elegant at the same time. Best of all, the family can just wear different shades of blues - no problem when it comes to colours yg sesuai utk org tua-tua sahaja. :D

Shades of brown and green

This one is more earthy in tone and colour. Wouldn't mind having it as a theme if I planned on having a garden wedding. But this is Brunei and having a garden wedding would be a bit too.. err.. hot! Hehe.

Ivory, cream, yellow and hints of green

This is probably something that I will realistically adopt. I think it has a very calming effect and better still, my baju pengantin can be either a golden cream songket or green songket. Now, the org tuas can't possibly disagree to that, right? ;)

Pink and green

This one's prettyyy and a nice collaboration of colours too. Reminds me of a garden wedding more than anything else actually.

Pink and gold

This one is absolutely gorgeous!! And I think my favourite so far. Ever since I started planning my wedding, I've always had this idea of putting in shades of pink in it. There's just something very wedding-sy about the colour pink, maybe its the colours, maybe its just me being very girly but I absolutely love love love this one. Might try to adapt it if I can't find any other suitable colours. This is excitinggg!!

Till then,

Bride-to-be

The first step

Salam all~

The first post! Finally. :) I've had this blog up and running for quite some time now but never gotten around to actually maintaining it due to the many uncertainties in planning the future wedding. They were minor issues like sorting out the dates for the nikah (solemnisation ceremony), the berjarum-jarum and the actual wedding reception but I just felt that until some sort of confirmation has been set, it wouldn't be right to start sharing my experiences in this blog. But now that the parents have met and we've gotten some idea on the planning process, it's time to get a grip and start posting! Hehe.

First of though, it never came to my mind that I'd be putting up a wedding blog. They're great to read but I guess since I was never in those shoes, I never thought about it? Hehe. But after reading some of the local wedding blogs, it has inspired me to start this one. :) Acknowledgments have been rightfully credited on the right bar under 'inspirations'!

Until the next update,
Bride-to-be

Still under construction

Hope to be writing soon. Stay tune for more updates :)