Emotions

Salam all~



The past few days have been quite an emotional struggle for me - there are moments when I'll be satisfied with my preparations and pleased with the way I've been doing things and then there are days when I'll just wallow in self-pity, thinking of how I have done all these preparations by myself and that nobody else even bothers to offer their help to me, let alone, ask how I've been doing. It just makes me feel like I'm the only one interested in this wedding and that I'm the only one who cares in making this work. :'( It hurts even more when other people are realising it too. Just the other day, while settling the caterers for the nikah, the sales manager who was attending to me asked, 'Siapa yg kahwin? You kah?'. When I nodded 'Yes', he then said, 'Kesian jua. Sendiri buat urusan.' That got me feeling very down and for the rest of the day, I just had to shove it down my throat and faked a smile, pretending that things were alright and okay...

I guess it's just all the stress from the wedding preparations? I am somewhat thankful though that we're only doing the nikah ceremony in July and not the full blown wedding ceremony (with all four events in one weekend). Otherwise I don't know how I'll be able to cope. For quite a while, I didn't let the other half know about my feelings on this. I suppose I was doing him a favour by not talking about the wedding too much, I was worried he was going to be bored. But eventually, it got just a little bit too much, my feelings got the best of me and I ended up revealing them to him anyway. And I'm thankful that I did. Because now that we've talked about it, we've come to a compromise and it's becoming less of a struggle for me day by day. :)

But I think at the end of it all, I think I was being too hard on myself and that I was trying to be overachieving, because time wasn't exactly on my side. I've come to realise that now it's probably better to appreciate what I've done and count the blessings that I have - the pressure becomes minimal that way.

I guess the moral of the story is: Don't stress! It's good to focus on the journey to the destination sometimes, it'll be worthwhile ;)

Stay positive bride-to-bes!